My Syrian Diary: Part 46
Marah, a teenage girl from one of Syria’s besieged cities, shares her stories of life in the war. She recently moved to Damascus to continue her education, deciding to focus her college studies on prosthetics, which she hopes to use to help heal the injured in her country’s conflict.
I have developed a temper. I hurt people’s feelings easily, and I’ve lost the capacity for forgiveness and patience that I used to have. I fight with my siblings and explode with anger, even with my mother, who keeps trying to contain me. I am not even nice to my friends anymore, and I keep losing them, one after another. I feel that hatred has possessed me. I hate everything around me. I’ve become a mean person, even with little kids. Can you believe it?
I do not have respect for anything or anybody, and I’m afraid that I will soon lose my self-respect, and that will be the absolute end. I do not enjoy being around people anymore, and I spend most of my time alone. I do so because I am scared that the monster that has grown inside of me over the past few years might come out and hurt those I love. Have I developed this from those I have had contact with, like a kind of disease? Is it bred by the chaos that we are living in? Or is it because of this bloody war? I do not know.
I am scared. I am really scared. I do not know what’s in store for us. I cannot take our current situation anymore, and I am afraid that the future will be even harsher. I have been silent recently. Silence is my new shelter in this reality that I cannot change. Will it be my end as well?
date : 06/11/2015